So we moved in with my parents. Is marriage all about money? It has been 11 years and it still hurts every day. I know that he is bad for me and I know that he should have been out of my life a long time ago, part of me is worried about him being ok which is stupid, but I cant seem to stop that. Dishes filling up the sink..and complains to me and the kids that no one does anything. They just dont see or even appreciate a lot of people doing what they hate, day in and day out, in order to be a responsible person, paying bills and supporting the family. Are they different? I probably need to see a therapist. Hes on it 24 hours around the clock but at the end of the month, he has nothing to show for it. I would ask home to help me pick them up and he would get mad and tell me Im lazy and half passed and I expect him to pick up the slack. What a huge mistake. During this time I had to PUSH and PROD him to explore part-time work. It is very difficult to change other people. Im frustrated bc my live in bf doesnt understand the stress I feel already trying to raise 2 kids (Im a divorced mom, plus trying to keep the finances together. I am finding it increasingly hard, dark and lonely. Unemployment in Families: The Case of Housework - Academia.edu Every day is different and I am so lost..What can I do to get the man I fell for back? My husband has been abusive in the past, but I came back. My salary will barely cover expenses. So now both sexes have grounds to resent how much of their lives they spend with Toilet Duck in . "If I do the things that I'm either good at or I like to do or I dislike less and my partner does the things that they are more interested in doing and dislike less, then the balance works much better.". So discuss how to resolve this. Its just too much for one person to handle. From what Ive read, I guess I should just leave. plus I dont see myself dealing with this the rest of my Iife. I need a man who can take care of himself. Lmfao he has no friends, no money, hes too proud to go back to his parents. My partner has always suffered with mild depression and having lost several jobs due to temper/mood swings, he has been unable to secure proper employment for 4 whole years. Im not talking about men that are temporarily out of work, or in between jobs and are doing the household chores. Id just end up alone (basically the current situation), paying alimony (basically the current situation), and paying for all of our daughters expenses (the current situation). I care for our babies all day, clean, cook, job hunt, pay the bills and deal with all of the other responsibilities around the house, all while having recently delivered a premature baby (with needs) and struggling to recover from my spinal injury. They are either dismissed without even an interview or they get an interview followed by a rejection letter indicating that the company has decided to go with someone else, and screw you, youre out in the cold without a job or source of income and we couldnt care less. Being the runner up or coming in third or fourth place as a so called finalist for an open position really doesnt amount to a hill of beans when you have bills to pay and have a family to support. My roommate is a serial squatter at this point who refuses to leave. Im on the verge of crying all day and when I tell him Im stressed, somehow he is more stressed because he has to listen to me complain when hes trying to find a decent job . He was always a good provider and I didnt make as much as him until my current career, where I kind of zoomed ahead and my job became the career with potential. A few times I felt discriminated against being a middle aged white guy who is a couple of pounds overweight to boot. Lived there 10 years all on my wages he did nothing except spend, spend, spend. It is glad to know that we have a place to share our thought and feel. I feel bad for both the unemployed and the one supporting the unemployed. Over the years he has grabbed me here and there, always when drinking, usually it is more yelling and throwing things. He sometimes mentions trying to pass the time during the day, and I just think to myself: DUST SOMETHING. My husband was a good provider for over 30 years and now has been unemployed for 2 years and not finding anything. I suppose I was running away and subconsciously wanted to be looked after. Meaning, History, Signs and Types, According to Zodiac Signs: the 3 Best Women to Marry, How To Connect With A Man On An Emotional Level, The Role of Romance in a Relationship and its Importance, How Important Is Intimacy in a Relationship, Feeling No Emotional Connection With Your Husband, How to Get Back Together After Separation, 6 Ways to Tell if Someone is Lying About Cheating, 5 Signs That You Are Living in a Toxic Marriage, 7 Important Tips to Build Trust in a Relationship, 10 Effective Communication Skills for Healthy Marriages, 20 Signs of a Married Man in Love With Another Woman. We arent teenagers. He had 2 jobs last week, none this week, 1 next week. I am in a similar situation. But I keep struggling even though I am exhausted. Please let him get a job sooner than later, not sure how we are going to keep up with this, year after year. A lifelong friend of mine allowed us to stay with her n her family till we got on our feet, the drinking was not allowed & he was well aware of that. He has only paid for two dates since Ive known him and lived with his parents when we met because he had little to no money. I do the chores. Just sayingthe supportive partner needs support too. ", Other women commented on the increased pressure they felt to make sure they kept their own jobs, even if it meant tolerating horrible bosses. At that time, the man was running a graphic design business from home, in cooperation with another person. Hes getting interviews and even offers but they dont come to fruition due to regulations on nationality % within the labour force of each company in this region. I pretty much have a frequently unemployed family member staying with me who others have grown tired of and thrown out. I was actually having nightmares about the place and felt I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. How sad is that. I feel the other issue is just not being able to speak to anyone, because I dont want to come across as a selfish bi**h who isnt supporting her fianc as I should. Did this man ever mature mentally and emotionally beyond the age of 18 to 20? I also had a good job and everything was looking great. Hi Francesca, so what did you do at the end? Or he wont. We love each other and want to get married, but my husband didnt want to complete the divorce. I also recently recovered (along with my baby) from a opioid dependency due to the pain medications administered to me during the several months I was hospitalized while pregnant, which was a horrible experience for both baby and I. He told me to give him a month for things to get better. I am an aussie and came upon this site when googling what to do when my husband doesnt work. Wow! My kids loved him. 7 Ways to Cope up with an Unemployed Husband - Marriage I still sometimes get a stomach flutter upon seeing him. Oh Stooge, but I HAVE been there. Things really arent always what they seem. Anyhow, I am SOO frustrated with the sight of him sitting ALL day on that computer I feel like I am married to a fixture in this house. Last January, I lost my job of 7 years, he told me to not worried he will make his job search more aggressive, well I had to do temp work after my unemployment benefits ran out, someone had to make money for our family. I dont know what to do because I dont want to lose the house and I can manage the mortgage but its hard to be attracted to a guy who cant take care of himself. We will always survive. That small step shows you value your partner. My employer was gracious enough to allow me to work from home, and already had business in the state I moved to, plus the nature of my job is such that working on line is efficient for them, so they allowed me to move and still work. Yes its 5 years !! He is talented, smart, and affable, albeit suffers from the "smart so I don't have to try hard . He is wonderful with the kids, homework is done before I get home, he still makes me laugh. Carolyn Hax readers give advice. Most of these stories make me sick to my stomach. There is a lot of man bashing on here. I have been supporting us both for the last two years, which wouldnt bother me if she was actively looking for work. So sad and helpless. My parents divorced when i was18, i am trying hard not to do that to my child. ContI made good grades, but I debating on grabbing a certificate. I have no family or friends to talk to just myself so its nice to be able to vent on here. I work full time, but I cant cover all the bills, so Im struggling to cover what I can. He was a purchasing manager, has a college degree, 25 years experience, long term in jobs- was in his last job for 12 years. My husband works periodically, hell go for a few months or 8 at the most and then hell get laid off. He was supposed to be looking for a stable job while working the part-time job, but instead, he played WOW for hours on end on the couch. I just want this nightmare to end when my husband finally gets a job. Fast-food, retail, front desk, anything! Im tired of being the sole breadwinner. Abusive people are abusive people it doesnt matter if they are employed, underemployed or unemployed. This is my first time really in an adult relationship but it doesnt feel like it and Im just really exhausted. Because of my job we moved back to the US after living overseas for his job, I moved back to a new position with my company when his job became in jeopardy. Yet you too have fallen foul of the abusive Y chromosome. Tough :(. They will undoubtedly come up with a slew of . Sometimes unemployed people go looking for work and just dont find it. I dont know what to do. We owe the landlord thousands now and hes on the verge of evicting us. Only it has been 8 years and I am 60. I am in pain, still suffering postpartum depression and have 2 small babies to care for. #laughsoyoudontcry. And he is very forgetfully. In all honesty, divorce probably won't help . Cant she see how exhausted I am trying to carry the burden alone? But i have to day i am crumbling. I do not have a degree and worked in office administration, plus I was in my 50s at that point so my prospects were grim. network a little in your workplace youll find someone. unemployed husband won't do housework. I doubt itll be the same thing, I swear. Even when i was working, she often went into fits of rage and even started hitting herself and crying, because she feels exploited. My boyfriend of two and a half years- has not worked. Often, their emotional needs involuntarily get thrown aside because of the attitude that unemployment isnt happening to you, its happening to the unemployed. Both the unemployed and partners of unemployed vacillate on the spectrum between the hope for the day of the Great News (I start a new, real job on Monday and can help pay the bills now!) and fear that their savings will be sucked dry and theyll be forced to live in a shelteror worse, their parents house. Not saying give them a hand out but Im sure a hand up would be greatly appreciated. Hi Janet, i think your boyfriend and mine are cut from the same cloth, mine hates going out too!!! Maybe your ex is not the right person for you. Am I being mean or rude? He moved in with me and my children. Im completely at a lost anymore. I really need to retire but now I cant because everyone here depends on my paycheck and my benefits. He asked me to be more empathetic when I talk to him about the job search [That] takes a lot of hard work!" Its not a big fat 0. You are ASKING to remain abused in this way if you stay with him.beyond ridiculous on your part. wife will gradually exhausted because outside working, homework + looking after children. This is known as specializing, explains Ogolsky. Then was laid of from his job and the drinking slowly began again & this time came back worse then ever! A few hundred dollars a month maybe sometimes! This pretty much doesnt leave us a lot to work with- and yes, this is insurance on the healthcare exchange. There are very nice nursing home facilities that would have taken care of your mom. I guess for better or worse doesnt exist anymore. He just sits in front of computer all the time. Its hard enough paying for even just myslelf. I walked out. I am unhappy with his family what kind of family does a man like that come from? 13 yrs later Im in your boat! I would tell any woman at the beginning of this to take a hard look at what youre dealing with. I really find it hard to believe too. The guy kept avoiding him. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. He insists that he runs an online business, but obviously if there is any truth to this it isnt really doing too well. In a respectful, loving way ask for what you want. I think my resentments come from all the responsibility on my shoulders, while he can just surf the web during the day and spend time on his photography hobby. Sit down with him and talk, and let him know that what he's feeling is okay. Im tired. Hard to do when you go to work on an empty stomach, and get criticized for being upset about it. And my level of resentment is at an all-time high. So I made the very bold journey to the UK and stayed in a bedsit to see if I was employable here. At least he doesnt not smoke, drink or gamble or abuse. Coping When Your Spouse is Unemployed